Breaking Up Is Hard To Do – 8 Reason’s Why It’s Hard To Let Go.

You just broke up with the once love of your life. The potential ONE. It started out so amazing; you thought nothing of letting yourself be swept away, in the wild, crazy love that just felt so right. It was so easy to imagine the life you’d have together, the wonderful love, the laughter, the joy, connection, the wedding, the little family.

And now it’s all in tatters. 

Your heart feels like it’s been ripped from your chest and though a tiny speck of you knows it’s probably for the best, every other cell in your body is aching for what should’ve been.

Breaking up is hard to do; FOR REALS.

We invest so much of ourselves and our energy into our relationships that when they fall apart it feels like we’ve fallen apart  too.  We feel lost, lonely and sad, unloved, confused hopeless and like a big fat failure.

One of our greatest life lessons is to learn to let go of what’s no longer serving us. This is particularly true when it comes to relationships. They provide personal life coach in Australia and the perfect opportunity for massive growth not just in letting go but in showing us the parts inside of us that need healing before we move on.

And that can be the hard part.

But why is it so hard to let them go? Even when we know it’s going nowhere, has turned toxic and is causing us oodles of emotional pain, why or why do we still hang on in there? 

Actually lots of reasons. Here are 8 reasons why, and what you can do to cut the cord.


Rejection breeds obsession. When we think we’re being rejected our response is to cling. Somewhere along the line we’ve decided that a failing relationship means we’re not good enough (our biggest fear) and we feel compelled to prove this fear wrong.

The deeper we’re invested in believing we’re being rejected (which is often a recurring theme for us) the more we cling. And the more we cling the more we push the other person away.  And the more rejected we feel.

It’s a vicious cycle that we become subconsciously attached to, but back up a minute.  What if there was no rejection?  What if there are just two people unsuited and unaligned, who want different things, see the world in different ways, and who are destined for something better than the unfulfilling relationship their both experiencing (be honest, it’s not filling you up either.)

Rejection is an illusion. Even if the other person says “I don’t want you”, it simply means they’re not aligned with you or you with them.  Do you really want be with someone who isn’t right for you? And before you argue “but he’s perfect” - if he/she doesn’t feel the same way then they’re NOT perfect for you. 

You are not being rejected, you’re being released.


Be honest, just how good was your relationship? If it’s broken it’s hasn’t good for a while. The spakrs died long ago as did the love and tenderness. You’ve been copping a lot of crap lately, maybe you;ve been dishing it out too. 

So what makes you think you can’t find better than that?

In a world of 7 billion people, you’ll always find something better and more suited to you than the relationship that makes you miserable.

You really have to find the courage to truthfully consider, just how good is what you’re holding on to?  Also consider that if this person who isn’t for you is standing in the way of the one who is.

Your greatest love is out there; don’t keep him waiting by wasting time on someone who isn’t for you.


You’re scared of being alone, and lonely.  But by now you’re probably already doing pretty much everything on your own anyway.  Sure, you’re hiding under the guise of an ‘in a relationship’ status, but if it’s not working, you’ve probably been feeling lonely for quite a while already.

You’ve been alone before, and there were even times, if you’re honest, when you let yourself enjoy it.  And if you haven’t given yourself that gift yet then sister, it’s time you did.

Being alone can be a wonderful opportunity of growth and getting to know who you are and what you truly want.

There’s a whole world out there waiting to be explored and if this relationship hasn’t worked out for you then there’s a very good reason for that.  And you owe to yourself to find that reason. 

And remember the single you was the one who attracted in the relationship in the first place.  So you being alone was when you were most magnetic!

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You’ve probably already had the “when are you going to settle down” comments. You might even get it from well meaning, (unconscious and I’m going to say it down right old fashioned) friends who can’t see past being in a relationship. Seriously peeps, its 2018!  More people are choosing singlehood, for however long, and there’s really no one size fits all.

Relax. You are not going to be left on the shelf, with your cats and your crocheting. It’s cool to be single, enjoy, and be proud that you’re not jumping into a relationship for the sake of it.  That never ends well and you’ve already been hurt enough. 

The world has changed.  You won’t find your worth in a wedding.  Be patient and wait for the right fit.

Marriage is far from a measure of success either. There are countless people all over the globe who are miserable in relationships, heading for the divorce courts, or too scared to leave. 


If you’re seeking validation through a relationship you’re going to be disappointed. You simply can’t be validated by anyone other than yourself.  And the minute you start looking for validation you send a subtle but very clear message that says “I don’t value myself enough to believe in me and I want you to do it for me.”  The problem with this message is that is undermines you as the confident, valuable catch your partner was initially drawn to.

Seeking validation sows seeds of fear and unworthiness and those seeds will eventually take root and grow.  Your partners will very likely pull away from the task of having to keep validating you (an endless, tiresome, pointless quest) and you’ll end up growing even more insecure.   You and only you can validate yourself.

Self-belief is a highly desirable quality, and when we value who we are others are compelled to do the same. 


You’re afraid to be with yourself and deal with all the noise and chaos in your own head.  Well, news flash, it’s not going away. You can push it down and distract yourself in a relationship but whatever’s inside that isn’t released will keep finding a way to let itself out. And it’s going to impact your relationship more than you know.

It will be a constant source of conflict in your relationships, but you already know that don’t you. We can’t avoid ourselves and it’s the years of trying that’s led us to the wrong relationships.
If we can’t be with ourselves, how can we expect someone else to?  And therein lies one of our greatest fears. We don’t believe that someone would really want to be with us; after all we can’t be with ourselves.

That we’re not worth being with is an illusion. Because beneath all the noise and chaos is the amazing, caring, fun loving, confident, connected you. The magnetic you, the beautiful, uncomplicated, happily imperfect you who far from being avoided should be embraced.

You don’t need to avoid yourself, you need to find yourself!


You’ve become accustomed to the drama.  Where there isn’t any you create it because you’ve learned to be comfortable in it. You may even equate it with being loved and cared about.

But eventually the drama will destroy you. It’s poison, it affects your body and your relationships. It’s a self-sabotaging mechanism that keeps you safe from true intimacy. You’re terrified of someone seeing the real raw, vulnerable you. The you that you fear isn’t good enough. But drama just keeps us separate from love. 


Better the devil we know, right?  Wrong.  Staying with someone because it’s too hard to put in the effort to find someone new is a cop out. If you’re honest, it’s not even easier because by the time the relationship has gotten to the break up stage it’s usually been quite a challenge for a while.

Finding another relationship doesn’t have to be hard, once you’re ready and you’ve resolves your inner stuff. And if you don’t want to put in the work to resolve it, or you think there’s nothing to work in then you’ll either struggle to someone, or you’ll keep attracting the same people who trigger you and keep those old wounds alive.

Healing isn’t harder than staying wounded.

We come into this world alone, and we leave alone. No matter who walks beside us, there is only one person on the inside.  And that’s OK.  We are not alone.  We’re not meant to lose ourselves in another but find ourselves and journey with the right person for us.

Staying in a relationship that you know you should move on from will only further destroy your relationship with yourself.  

And that’s the most important relationship of all.

When you get that right, you’ll attract to you the most amazing person into your life and you’ll wonder why you held on for so long to someone and something that had died long ago. Don’t deny yourself real love. Learn to overcome your fears of being on your own and you’ll find yourself far more connected than you ever knew was possible.